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Empathic Overachiever Insomniac ~ EOI [04 Apr 2003|12:37am]

I see my hands sitting here
and yet they dissappear

Engrossed in energy
some mine own
much belonging to others

Lost in the ideas and words that surround
meaning to do well
meaning to accomplish more
meaning to be worthwhile in this universe

Intentions to keep
distracted for a minute
only it's actually much more
distraction leads to gaps in time
that seem to just never have been

for family
for friends
for those more and less "fortunate"

but who's to say what is or is not fortunate?!?!?!

no, no my friend
we are all fortunate in our own little worlds.
just as we are all unfortunate
it all depends on our own little reality

Then there is the final love
that other one
the one that is supposed to complete you
or at least compliment you greatly
I often wonder if it exists for me


I wonder if I will be open enough to let it in
I push people away
I close off a few deep recesses of my heart

"strong" they say I am
"beautiful" they say I am
"intelligent" they say I am

no, no my friends
they say this for they know not those recesses

these men who wish me for only what they see
they enjoy that I don't share
they enjoy that I am self sufficient

but for this reason they will not win my heart

the one who pries into those secret caverns
the one who pries and stays
the one who stays and still accepts
he will I accept.

until then I shall enjoy the many wonders of the world
until then I shall rejoice in the beauty and wonder of those whose lives I am lucky enough to share
earth nature
human nature
blood family
chosen family
all that exists in this universe the the paradoxes that lie within.

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sparkles. [24 Jan 2003|08:25pm]

[ mood | thoughtful ]

Blue Sparkle


All the placid colours flow
into one, creating an entire fleet of beauty
and serenity. Life in its purest form,
Virginal snow reflecting
from the deep sullen blue

Into a sky of navy darkness.

Life in its purest form

Perfection at its finest
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flower photography [22 Nov 2002|06:29pm]


more hereCollapse )
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[09 Oct 2002|11:30am]

he holds me down from the place where, underwater, i never could have breathed in the first place.anyway.

i ache in places that no human could ever see. wounds.that.bleed.from.the.inside.like.night.turning
inward on itself ~

and this didn't seem to go anyplace else
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[07 Oct 2002|09:30am]

[ mood | sick ]

fuck you for what you did to me.. your rum stained breath and hands that squeeze and mould the back of my neck. You pinned me to that wall and kissed me and I could feel your poison and I hated myself over and over and over again until you let go of my wrist and I could creep away - degraded and broken.
....Driving home in silence and praying to any gods that a drunk driver would find me and my car on the road, and spread my blood and bones and limbs across the inky black of night.

Pacing back and forth trying to get up the courage to call someone .. choosing a drug-fucked friend so that I could cry and they could forget. Banging my head on my bedroom door and vomitting halfway through a cigarette. These are our highs, and your lows... Wailing to the moon like a hungry child .. shaking hands and locked doors and cars parked in the shadows.

never forget. never forget. never forget. forget forget.

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Love [01 Oct 2002|09:48pm]

I one day hope to find someone who will fight for me

not against another person

but against me
. for me

I'm an odd one that I am


one day I'll find my knight

armed with persistence and love for me
curiosity and addiction
to something odd
yet comfortable

~*~Pixie girl~*~

I hope everyone is well
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Late night aspirations [30 Sep 2002|01:06am]


.no, being convinced to give
~ of self, of responsiblity

and yet
there is always the grounding
that always knowledge
knowing responsiblity of self will always come back upon the self

it can only be passed to another for short periods of time
for special occasions

craving envelopment in the warmth and comfort of another's essence


maybe it will come soon.

I hope everyone is well

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[23 Sep 2002|04:02pm]

Francesca laid the ring down on the table. Steven stared at it, "What does this mean?" Tears came rushing to Francesca's face, "I'm sorry, Steven, we can't be engaged anymore." The words echoed through his head. "It's been over a year, Francesca," Steven pleaded, "what happened?" Francesca tried to choke back more tears. "You've changed," she said through the tears, "Nothing is ever good enough anymore, nothing I do is ever right. It isn't fair to me, Steven. I tried to tell you, I tried to make you understand. You know that I love you more than anything. But we can't go on like this. I need to try new things and I need to be on my own for awhile, and I need to do for myself for once. We both need a break and we both need to grow up. Maybe some time in the future we can be together again. But for right now, this is it." Steven stared at you in disbelief, "But I love you, Francesca." "I love you too, Steven. But maybe you should have thought about that before you started taking me for granted. Before you lost all interest in everything," Francesca cried, "I love you, but I have to leave you. Goodbye Steven."
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autumn haiku [18 Sep 2002|12:30am]

dark and cold, skyfire
the night creeps under our skin
frozen mercury.

black leafless branches
tangle in grey sky, autumn
knows all my secrets.

still mists and golden
leaves mask the winter teeth, they're
yet to come, dark heart.

elf-shot stumble through
fields, ditches. Poison arrows stuck
in his bloodied back.
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shared secrets between intimate friends ~ those wonderful little accesories to life [12 Sep 2002|01:56am]








"safety" is not always complimentary to
. companion
. thoroughly engrossed
. utterly overwhelmed
. savagely loved
. empowered by emotion

for now it works

there is no time for other possiblities

but what happens later?

when there is time?

what then?

~*~ ponder all that exists in every depth of "reality" ~*~

I hope everyone is well
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[10 Sep 2002|06:16pm]

I want a warm, salt bath for my skin.. which feels so rough. Chalky hands. Cuts and bruises. Feet stained with grease and oil dots which won't go away. (go away go away).

hello lady night, do you remember me?
for a minute there, i lost myself

the child is 20 days old.
why won't my mother hold me?
why does she cry?

he can not breathe and wishes to crawl
with birds across the sky.

never believe someone who tells you that love does not hurt. the hurt is what makes us, what unmakes us. i feel as though my chest will explode. it hurts to breathe.

I am homesick for a home i've never seen.

(there is such a sadness in the air)
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hmm. [07 Sep 2002|09:09pm]

can we not post private / protected entries? curious & lost.
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tra la la [07 Sep 2002|12:58am]


shhh. it was actually taken at random (wasting film) of a rabbit, but the flowers remind me of fairylights. ooh!
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my first post: six haiku [04 Sep 2002|10:40am]

flames of boiling red
burn above the trees, licking
at the lilac sky

there are broad fields of
dying sunflowers, miles wide.
so intensely sad

chains of daisies wrap
about your throat, I look up
lost in light and blue

bones, small and so thin
arrayed carefully on soft
red velvet altar

a bowl of rust and
bitterness, teacup brimming
over with regret

deep in darkness thick
meteor shower fills the
air with sparks of light
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[02 Sep 2002|11:16am]

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How deep the tides truly are [27 Aug 2002|03:03am]


so deep
so intense
it pains thoroughly paralyzing
it heals
repeating the process too often leaves lacking for the worse
tis hard to return to the
just melting into one-ness with another
the scar(s) appear
the feeling becoming less
the next victim
no longer a companion
there are no more companions
and yet
all I want
someone gentle
and mysterious
and distracting enough
to ravage me
and disengage the scar
and re-juvinate these long forgotten

I shall off to dreams of wonder and beauty.

Slumber sweetly

~*~never allow the feelings forgotten completely~*~

I hope all fairs well

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birthday girly ghoulie ghost! [24 Aug 2002|10:01pm]


happy birthday ely bean! there will be a party with glitter explosions, candy hearts, lemonade flavoured water and pink paper lanterns in the attic tonight :D
love you so much my riot witchy sister! (a present will be on its way very soon)
x xxx x x x xx x x
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I crave the paints [20 Aug 2002|01:40am]


Burnt Sienna
Sunbursting Flames

I want to be taken over by whatever it is that is created in me
it takes over
I become a flow of energy

I am just a way for the colors to dance amongst wach other
the way for them to meet

I want to always be this carefree
yet usefull
and enjoyful being

I want to be overtaken


and yet

I choose calm
no pain

just essence

my cat has requested my attention


and sleep is slowly creeping in

so I shall end the confusion

~*allow the colors to tango across that unsizable screen. allow the visions to be vivid and lively, full of impossibilities you shall someday make possible*~

I hope you are well

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self - portrait ? [19 Aug 2002|04:12pm]


my head is like a machine
my heart is like a cracked mirror.
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alive and ticking [19 Aug 2002|12:40am]


deep within lies a common thread

some have too many layers to go through
it gets old
feels as if you'll never get there

have their thread on top

somewhere in the line of evolution
communication was blurred

energy was hoarded
trust was lost
power created struggle

only the strong could be honest and open

and now we live with the consequences.

I hope to be one of those strong

beautiful within
compassionate without

no pressure to do that which I do not truly desire
the strength to think things through
the heart to do what is right and best
.not what is most pleasing at the time.

no "if this" or "but that"
just what is there.

~*trust your heart, soul, and all realities*~

~*keep patience and purity of heart*~

I hope everyone is well.
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